Lost doesn't know that I'm serious
that my body is not open invitation
I am not the girl of his dreams
Not willing to fall asleep on backyard hammock
We will not share the soft summer wind
or the hard glare of winter together
We only share quiet
and uncomfortable
And I am avoiding you for a reason
Lost doesn't know how hard it is to tell him to fuck off
Lost doesn't understand that he is suffocating you
Trapping you in your pleasures
Simple trips to the grocery store
To class
To the library
Lost doesn't want you to speak to anyone else
Even if you are speaking to somebody else
Anybody else
Like it is a cry for hope
His body is fly against stadium lights
We all watch how much he likes to burn
fizzle
Turn to ash.
Lost,
I am apologizing to my own skin for wanting to apologize to you
I am tainted
And blotted with fear
it is etched onto my skin with sharpened bamboo
Call this what we call prayer
Drilling ink inside ourselves for protection
This is how my blood does it.
I am searching for ways to become safe again
in my own skin.
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