day 319

The son of a single vessel called me a loose canon. Said,

   I wouldn't understand the strength of a curse.

I breathe. 

There is so much to say and I cannot find the words today.

   Give me light

   and the power to forgive

   The sharp shrapnel and the tainted metal in my limbs

   Tell me

      confused boy,

      please,

let my body,

all scratch and tear

and broken battlefield bloody,

   about this curse

   about the loss of a breath

   about the words you think I do not have the soul to body. 

day 318

push
comes to shove
comes to better yourself
help me better yourself
better myself
us
together
growth
growing together
and apart
becoming a part
of
something
greater
I call this love.

day 317

I will not wait for you, break for you or let you tell me how you want me to make you feel. I will not bend over backwards and sideways and do somersaults in your mind. I will not sit, mouth stitched, and fingers magnetized towards your skin. Will not touch you will not let you make me object. Will not slander your name against my tongue. Will forgive will forget will heal will not let you be a part of this joyous celebration.

day 316

baby,
the chandeliers are dancing for us tonight.
there is no more high to breathe in.
we all look like broken diamonds from the ground up.
don't bust your fingers open
on the shards of this relationship.
let them dissolve
into sweet ocean and the spit shine of a goodbye.

day 315

Mom loves you. She'll understand if you tell her. She won't hold it above your head. Like noose and broken bottles in the cellar. All that mold you hold dear inside your mouth, open up, and let the moths finally spread their wings. Let them cuddle cocoon fingers and stretch your skin. Tough but silk and rough and harp string. These are the ways I think of up. Of flying, waking up better, stronger.

day 314

sad me goes to bed alone again

wakes up to your face

in the spur of the moment,

we smile

forget that I fell asleep on our date

you guilt trip me into falling into this trap

you came to bed when I was vulnerable

I don't want to be wrong for loving 

day 313

Dumbing yourself down to make a man smile makes me cringe. After high school, all the boys who made fun of me for being geeky or nerdy or called me a major dork wanted to date me. In high school, I learned that boys develop character much later than girls. The girls I've spent time with after school spent a lot of time perfecting their fake laughs and push up bras. Like the higher your tits were determined your status to heaven, with all the fake glory and quick divorces.