day 342

I didn't respond to your email.

Not because I was angry at you. I was at a loss for words and slowly losing my character. I live my life recklessly and with pride. Full of bad decisions, tearjerkers, bad jokes, boys who only know my name, and girls who know much more. There is much more to me than mushy brain leaking from tiny nostrils.

You know when you drink too much and you're forced to throw up? You know that burning in your nose? That's how I feel. Everyday, often, sometimes not at all, sometimes all the time. Like my brain is melting. Sometimes it's melting from too many awesome thoughts and ideas and being overwhelmed. Other times it is melting because my autopilot of a life has suddenly come to a halt. No more cruise control and driving without a windshield. Or seatbelt. I don't know. I didn't respond because I know everything you say is true. I also know that everything you said is false. I also know that I don't know much, but I know enough to be content with silence, and the ringing of a blind argument. You don't need to take care of me anymore. I hope that summons the hallelujah of Michelangelo's chorus of angel babies. A sweet relief. I'm not mad at you or angry or anything other than okay.

I am just that.