day 344

twenty one days to go
my 20th birthday wish list
part II

1.
the boy I've loved since I was thirteen
is moving back to our hometown
in three days.

not exactly Long Beach,
but close enough to call home.

2.
at thirteen,
I was best friends with a boy who wanted to love me.
sophomore year
we become soul mates
trapped in bodies yearning
for the touch of
our closet skeletons

3.
in eighth grade
I kissed a girl by accident

freshman year
I kissed the girl of my dreams
she was with the girl of her dreams
and I was truth or dare
spin the bottle
queer girl wants to hold hands with you
love experiment

4.
sophomore year summer
I fell in love with a woman that everyone hated
I fell in love with a boy who loved boys
sophomore year summer
who the fuck was I

5.
today I share a bed with someone I love

6.
I am sure I am a kleptomaniac
and a fragile heart
I am not immune to heartbreak
or falling in love
I am surprised each time
I talk so freely about love
and loving others
and falling in love
like it is something you can check out
wasting time in public libraries
with a lover you won't love in a month
or
stealing junk food off the shelves
of grocery stores
just the thought of having something to hold
or read

let the lines be bare

7.
I am a jealous stomach
with an appetite for too much

too many nights alone in bed
or lunch dates for one
not enough shame for two
or embarrassment

8.
I chop my hair off every time a lover does me wrong
I call it salvation
and liberation
and the unity in between my cheek bones
a smile, perhaps
I've had short hair for so long
I don't remember how it feels to feel pretty
I am always grungy
or 90's pop rock garage band bass player
just dirty

9.
purity