day 82

I am still finding myself wanting to meet new guys. I've been under close watch of my best friend. I bring her everywhere.
Last night we were supposed to attend an art reception. I thought maybe my hopeless romantic self would find love in an art gallery. I mean, two artists surrounded by beauty is just a masterpiece.
Of course this didn't go as planned. The night was horrible and cold and lost and it was basically my love life in a nutshell.
I guess love isn't for me right now. This is okay. I am slowly accepting my independence. Something I've always dreamed of.

I read that Virgos love hard and their feelings die slowly, but once they are gone, they are gone. I believe this is true. I have fallen in love twice. Although I am still friends with my snowflake of a melted relationship, I am not in love with him anymore. I love him, yes, and I care about him and his future a lot. I believe this is true love. He is off to a co-op job next semester in North Carolina for six months. He is finally getting his own independence and this is so symbolic to me. I remember being so bitter that he left me to follow his education and find himself. Now seeing him reach his goals one by one, I am so inspired and thankful to still be good friends with the guy. Perfect timing for everything.
I thought about falling in love with him again, but everything just doesn't feel right and it would be just weird. He is just a friend now. And it's okay. It's gonna be okay.

The second person I've ever fell in love with, is the boy I am currently leaving behind to follow my own dreams and goals. I am feeling more than ever to inspire and I am once again allowing myself to fall in love with beauty and be inspired. Although love and a relationship is not in the picture right now, it's okay. I am going to buy myself some flowers, get rid of old clothing and notebooks, and just feel simple again.

I am still finding myself to be... beautiful. And I am currently accepting that I don't need other people to tell me I am. I know I am. Everything about me is beautiful. My soul is so golden and the love I can give is a gift.