day 152

"how to break up with your boyfriend on Valentines day"

1
when crying
your anxiety causes your body to tense up
this will lead to the urge to vomit
don't throw up
there is no need to.

the butterflies no longer reside in your stomach

2
the second Halloween we spent together

we didn't.

the only thing that scared me that day
was waking up to your ghost
you have been pale faced and transparent
and I no longer know what your heart looks like
ever since

I got drunk at a party
and ended up tongue kissing with a porcelain god.

you walked me home.
it wasn't your arms.

3
one time we made love in the backseat of my car
a police officer caught us
he giggled.
he thought we were so in love.

the last time I was in the backseat of my car
I was picking up the pieces you left
all the trash, dirt,and grime
all your sweat and
bike tracks

I threw away your favorite pair of shoes
don't go looking for them
your footprints are always in circles around the wrong priorities
I giggled, too
I wonder if that police officer knew I would fall out of love

4
the day my mother forbid me to see you
you wrote persistence on your forehead
and tied a balloon filled with ego onto your finger

I snuck around and still kissed you on the nose from time to time
she knew about this
she knew that you were just a phase during my wild youth

5
The flowers you gave me 4 months ago are dead,
the balloon around your finger lost the will to fly,
and I smudged the daydreamer painted on my forehead in my sleep
I made up my mind
you've just become a distant memory

Sometimes I still dream of you
I heard that you can't die in your dreams
it's true
I am not the love we left to wilt

6
Quite often
my dreams of us become nightmares
I cannot bring myself to touch your skin anymore

I am paralyzed by the sight of you

I see your ghost triumphing around.
it's being carried by the butterflies I left you

In my dreams
I pick the wings off the butterflies one by one
and hear their soft shrieks of relief
They cry because they've been attached for too long
They've grown uncomfortable in their own skin

I touch my stomach where you used to kiss me
it has a mouth without teeth.
The vomit
from letting go of the butterflies
has played a huge part in chipping away at the porcelain