day 157

emotionally draining day

1. running on five hours of sleep
It's hard to sleep when you don't really know
how your lover feels
or when you will speak to him next
or even see him next
2. we live in a world where
FaceTiming is a socially acceptable mode
of communication

"I won't be able to use my phone for
the whole 29 days."
we say goodbye again
my tears inevitably fall
reminds me of us,

we are
Autumn.
3.
it's tough crying in front of others
who don't understand.
I thought about it often.
It makes me angry.
4. I have not made enough progress
to look anyone in the eye.
My professor is someone I've grown fond of
but he is not the person I'd like to break down
in front of.
Class was unbearable.
5. My past lover comes by to pick up his guitar.
I feel bad.
My heart is singing songs for another warrior now.
I can't help the way I feel.
I am proud of myself.
6.
I spend the rest of the day in bed.
Constantly searching online articles
and advice columns
"Marine girlfriends" "Military combat training"
I miss him more
I don't feel so alone anymore.
7. Still moping in bed and I get a text.
I keep my cell phone fully charged, on full volume,
and in an arms reach.
He texts me

"Hi darlin! I have my phone!!!"

I await more texts

"I'll call you tonight"
8. I spend an hour on the phone with
him and his poor reception.
He tells me he is assigned guard duty.
"I won't be out of here until April."
a month longer that we expected.

I tell him about my "research"
He tells me it makes him smile

My heart is warm.
It is a luxury to actually speak to him.
I am thankful for this man.

I am so thankful.