day 199

1
On Valentines day, I told my mother I loved her.
She gave me a hug.
That was the first time I've ever held someone's entire being.

2
I thought I heard the soft sobbing of your soul on my commute to school.

3
It's insane how I used to walk beside you and we would skip over sidewalk cracks together. We used to hate anything broken and shivered at every sight of an abandoned home.

4
My mother is a hoarder.
In the nineteen years I've loved her,
I've learned to find the beauty in this.
I'm not sure how the home I've grown up in has managed to make space for all her random treasures.

5
We all make room for damage.

6
We all make room for a chance to fall in love with concepts we'd never even think of taking in. I look at all the first date, second anniversary, dead bouquets of I Miss Yous I've kept in my room. They are not from the same lovers.

7
I realize I've never given anyone my entire being. I hold all the damage to myself. I kiss my mother in hopes of learning how to dodge the genes,