The last time we held each other, we were in my car. You cried because you knew I've felt this cold for so long. I was never ready to let love grow right in front of me and I had tried for years to grow a garden out of myself. I stopped crying in front of you after our fight in December. It was a cry that took the soul out of me, held me upside down, and watched myself as I wondered how I let myself get so broken. It's been months since then. Winter still makes herself known and I catch myself letting her touch my face on my commute to school. It is a cold I find myself missing. Often. Without reason and without any question.
My life has started to rebuild. I see you from time to time and I don't hate you anymore. I wonder how my body had even let myself hate you. For so long. We had a love that burnt hard and branded bad manners. I find myself still intentionally speaking to God on my commutes to school. I don't ask him anything or expect signs anymore. I just tell him I still think about you. It's been a long road to recovery, but my heart is healing. My soul burns with good intentions. I wonder if I will forget about you in the summer. Then again, we were always just a long summer vacation. You begin to find the flaw in paradise after awhile. You learn to love feeling empty, but you also learn where home is.
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