The guy I've been sleeping with has graduated from the university and is moving today. He is starting grad school in the fall. It's unfortunate to say that I will miss him because he is one of the only men who has never treated me like a piece of meat. He cooks me breakfast, taught me how to use his shower, and kisses me on the cheek. These are the simple things everyone wants and gets called naive for loving.
In elementary school, we had to make acrostic poems describing ourselves using our names. I put Intelligent for the I and Naive for the N. My teacher questioned me and asked how it's possible to be both. I said I have no idea. I questioned myself because it was the first time I've ever felt stupid.
The girls I've dated or have tried dating still leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I have been hiding the fact that I've been gay for awhile and it's getting tiring. I am finding myself in the beds of men who I will never give my heart to. I don't know if this is because I keep picturing myself waking up in the lace of her arms. I don't know why I do the things I do.
The guy I've been sleeping with is going to school to be a doctor. One morning I woke up early to read him random facts. I do this everyday because I want to know everything. He knew pretty much everything with modesty. The girl I've had my heart wrapped around for weeks on end is moving at the end of summer. She's leaving for school.
I still use intelligent to describe myself, but I still know that I am naive. It's possible... I grew up for years trying to be one or the other, but what am I supposed to do if I'm both? I am in love with a girl who makes my heart cringe but I still long to rest my head on the chest of someone humble.
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