manic pixie girl /3
i wish that you would realize how fast and hard we all fall. I toss around the word "love" like ticking time bombs and i wait for you to explode. i know we will hold hands, maybe kiss, and maybe even talk about children. at the end of the night, i am my own warmth. i have grown in love with the idea of being in love and i don't think i will ever fall as deep and as fast as i have before. i don't even think that i want to. these are the thoughts that haunt the walls and rooftops. i lay around and wait for something to happen. it is boring, like hearing "i love you, too" or opening Christmas gifts at midnight. i don't lose sleep over it. i used to cry over lovers like spilled milk and rotten tv dinners. all of which remind me of a home and a husband and a couple of arms intertwined into one rope. i will try to hold on until i want to drown. this is often. i convince myself that i do not need saving or breaking or fixing or piecing back together after imploding. i hold you and all of your thoughts along your veins and they pop. one by one. i have no intentions of putting you back together.
i've tried to save someone once. he didn't realize it until i needed saving. and i left. broken. both of us. i try to find his arms in other people with different brains and laughs. the giggle of a future and the breath of an effort. i wish that you would realize how fast and hard we all fall. I toss around the word "love" like ticking time bombs and i wait for you to explode. i know i will leave you to drown. i wonder if you will leave, too.
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