these are the thoughts that keep me up at night:
My phase of wanting to break hearts and being crazy young was short lived. I just want a genuine friend. That may happen to be a guy. It gets exhausting after awhile of waking up next to the wrong person. I don't want you to think about the curves of my legs and especially the bruises on my rib cages. I wear armor to keep you all away and it's the peace of mind I need.
The neighbors come home from a night of drinking. Their car pulls up to the curb. You hear them giggle as the snow crunches under their feet. It's always winter somewhere. It must feel amazing to feel so warm in the freezing cold. I want to find this one day. But not with anyone. I yawn. I exhaust myself with thoughts of wanting to grow with other people. I need to be alone quite often and for long periods of time. I don't want to force myself out of it and I don't understand why boys feel the need to save me.
My mother wakes up at five in the morning. She gets up light and willingly and she sings good morning to my dog. I think about it as I'm laying in bed. I've given enough people the time of day to fuel a broadway show. No one ever sings me to sleep. Or to wake me up. Or to keep me dreaming.
I wonder how it feels to use someone for sex.
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